Chapter 11 - THE MOTHER WHO WAS ALSO AFRAID
"I'm afraid I won't even know how to hold my own baby."
Vanessa looked down.
She seemed more embarrassed by that admission than by anything else she'd said all evening.
Luca moved his chair closer.
"Vanessa, neither of us has done this before."
She shook her head.
"You don't understand."
"Then explain it to me."
She looked toward Teresa.
"Everyone seems so certain. Your mother talks about how she raised you. My mother remembers everything she did when I was little."
Evelyn began to speak.
But Vanessa continued.
"And I'm standing here wondering how I'm supposed to know when the baby is hungry, or why they're crying, or whether I'm doing something wrong."
Her voice broke.
"What if I'm terrible at it?"
For several seconds, nobody answered.
Then Teresa smiled sadly.
"Vanessa, the first time I held Luca, I was so frightened that I asked the nurse to check whether I was doing it correctly."
Vanessa looked surprised.
"You did?"
"Oh, sweetheart. More than once."
Luca laughed softly.
"Mom, you never told me that."
"Some stories don't make a mother sound particularly impressive."
She smiled.
"I was twenty-eight. Your father stood beside the hospital bed looking as though somebody had handed him a priceless vase."
Vanessa almost laughed.
Teresa continued.
"We both wanted to be wonderful parents. Neither of us knew what we were doing."
Evelyn nodded.
"That's true of most new parents."
Vanessa turned toward her.
"But you always make it sound so easy."
Her mother looked down.
"I suppose I do."
"You told me you never worried when I was little."
Evelyn gave a sad laugh.
"That wasn't true."
Vanessa stared at her.
"What?"
"I worried constantly."
"Then why didn't you tell me?"
Evelyn hesitated.
"Because I thought you needed confidence."
Vanessa wiped her face.
"I needed to know it was okay to be frightened."
Her mother reached for her hand.
"I'm sorry."
For a long moment, Vanessa simply looked at her.
Then she squeezed her fingers.
I watched Teresa pull the knitting basket closer.
The little yellow sweater lay inside.
Its damaged sleeve was still unfinished.
Vanessa noticed it.
"Teresa?"
"Yes, dear?"
"Would you teach me how to fix that?"
Teresa smiled.
"If you'd like."
"I don't know how to knit."
"Neither did I when I started."
Luca looked at the sweater.
"Mom, your hands are hurting."
Teresa nodded.
"A little."
"Then perhaps we should leave it until another day."
She looked at him.
"Sweetheart, I appreciate your concern."
He smiled.
"But?"
"But I can decide when my hands need a rest."
Luca laughed softly.
"Fair enough."
Teresa turned toward Vanessa.
"Emily knows the stitches almost as well as I do. She can help if my fingers get tired."
I blushed.
"Only because you taught me, Mrs. Moretti."
"That's how learning works, dear."
Vanessa smiled faintly.
"Then perhaps the three of us can try."
Before we began, Mrs. Carter approached Luca.
"Mr. Moretti, may I have a moment?"
"Of course."
She placed a small notebook on the table.
"I've been thinking about the staff arrangements you mentioned."
Luca nodded.
"Yes?"
"Emily already helps coordinate family dinners and occasionally assists with visiting guests. With her language skills, she might be suited to a broader position."
I stared at her.
"Mrs. Carter—"
She smiled.
"I've been meaning to discuss it with you."
Luca looked at me.
"Would you be interested?"
I swallowed.
"Yes, sir. But I'd like to learn the work properly."
"Then we'll arrange training."
Mrs. Carter nodded.
"And review the pay according to the responsibilities."
Luca turned toward me.
"That sounds fair?"
"Very fair, sir."
Vanessa looked at me.
"Emily, I hope you'll consider staying."
I hesitated.
She noticed.
"I know I haven't made this a comfortable place for you."
My throat tightened.
"No, ma'am."
She accepted the answer.
"You shouldn't have to pretend otherwise."
I looked at her.
For the first time, I believed she understood that an apology didn't erase what had happened.
Mrs. Carter moved the notebook aside.
"I'll arrange the interview for next week."
"Thank you," I whispered.
She smiled.
"You've earned the opportunity."
Across the table, Vanessa began carefully examining the torn sleeve.
"How do I start?"
Teresa moved closer.
"First, we find where the stitches are still secure."
Vanessa nodded.
"And then?"
"We don't pull at the damaged part. That only makes it worse."
I glanced at Luca.
He was watching them quietly.
Teresa continued.
"We work from the part that's holding. Then we repair a little at a time."
Vanessa smiled sadly.
"That sounds like something I need to learn about more than knitting."
Teresa looked at her.
"Perhaps we all do."
Evelyn reached for the cream-colored invitation cards.
"I think these can be put away."
Vanessa shook her head.
"Not yet."
Her mother looked surprised.
"I want to keep the one I corrected for Teresa."
"Why?"
"To remind myself what I almost took away from her."
Teresa touched Vanessa's hand.
"You don't need to punish yourself forever."
"I know."
Vanessa looked at the yellow sweater.
"But I don't want to forget what happened either."
Luca nodded quietly.
"That's how we make sure it doesn't happen again."
For several minutes, we worked together.
I guided the loose yarn into place.
Teresa explained the stitches.
Vanessa tried carefully, making mistakes, laughing nervously, then trying again.
Nobody mocked her.
Nobody told her she was too old, too inexperienced, or too frightened.
At one point, she looked at Teresa.
"Would you come with us to a newborn-care class?"
Teresa smiled.
"If you'd like me there."
"And would you help me learn how to support the baby's head?"
"Of course."
Vanessa glanced at her hands.
"Could we learn how to make holding the baby comfortable for you too?"
Teresa's eyes filled.
"That would mean a great deal."
Luca watched them.
Then he reached for his mother's hand.
"Mom, I think Dad would have liked this."
She smiled sadly.
"He would."
Vanessa touched the four tiny buttons.
"They're lovely."
Teresa looked down.
For a moment, her expression changed.
Then she gently stopped Vanessa from drawing the needle through the next stitch.
"Wait, dear."
Vanessa looked worried.
"Did I do something wrong?"
"No."
Teresa carefully lifted the little sweater.
"There's something I should have told you about these buttons."
Luca leaned closer.
"What about them, Mom?"
Teresa's eyes filled.
She touched the smallest button.
"They're not new. They're the four buttons Antonio saved from the yellow sweater you wore when you were a baby."
Luca stared at her.
Then at the sweater.
"Mom... you used Dad's buttons?"
May you like
Teresa nodded.
"I wanted your child to have something that had once belonged to you, too."
