Chapter 6 - THE GOODBYE HE ALREADY PLANNED
“Friday?”
Luca looked toward the clock.
“That's three days from now.”
Claire nodded.
“Ethan's last day at school is Thursday.”
Ethan kept his eyes on the navy coat.
I could see how carefully he was holding himself together.
He had already lost his father.
Now he was preparing to leave the city where nearly every memory of that father lived.
“Does he want to move?” Luca asked.
Claire looked at her son.
“I think Milwaukee will be good for us.”
“That wasn't what I asked.”
She swallowed.
“I know.”
Ethan finally spoke.
“Mom got a better job.”
Luca nodded.
“I'm glad she did.”
“And Aunt May has a room for us until we move into our apartment.”
“That's good too.”
Ethan hesitated.
“It's just that my baseball team is here.”
Claire gently touched his shoulder.
“We talked about that.”
“I know.”
“And there are baseball teams in Milwaukee.”
“I know, Mom.”
But he didn't sound convinced.
Luca pulled out a chair for Claire.
“Can I ask something?”
She sat reluctantly.
“Of course.”
“Are you moving because of what Vanessa told you?”
Claire looked down.
“Not entirely.”
Her answer surprised him.
“My hospital has been giving me evening shifts for months. The pay isn't enough to make up for the childcare problems.”
Luca frowned.
“Childcare?”
Claire glanced at Ethan.
“Sometimes I work until eleven.”
The boy immediately straightened.
“I'm fine by myself.”
“I know you're capable, honey. That doesn't mean I enjoy leaving you alone.”
She turned toward Luca.
“Before Daniel died, we had each other. Afterward, we had family and friends helping us figure things out.”
Her voice became smaller.
“Then I started feeling like I was asking too much just by calling someone.”
Luca looked devastated.
“You could have called me.”
Claire met his eyes.
“I tried to respect what I thought you wanted.”
There it was again.
Not anger.
Not blame.
Just the terrible distance two people could create when one believed the other wanted silence.
Luca rested his elbows on the table.
“I should have checked on you.”
Claire shook her head.
“You were busy.”
“I was.”
“You were planning a wedding.”
“I was.”
“And you trusted Vanessa.”
Luca looked toward his fiancée.
“Yes.”
Claire continued.
“I'm not saying the move is entirely her fault. Milwaukee offers a job with daytime hours and proper benefits.”
She paused.
“My sister lives there. I won't be alone.”
Vanessa spoke carefully.
“That's exactly the kind of opportunity I thought Claire needed.”
Luca turned.
“Don't use her decision to excuse what you did.”
“I wasn't.”
“You were trying to decide what was best for them without asking either of them.”
Vanessa looked away.
Ethan pulled something from his coat pocket.
A folded piece of paper.
He held it beneath the table.
I noticed because his hands were trembling again.
“Ethan?” I asked softly.
He looked at me.
“Are you okay?”
He nodded too quickly.
Claire was speaking to Luca and didn't notice.
But I saw the boy unfold the paper, read one line, then fold it again.
It looked like he'd been carrying it for days.
Luca asked Claire, “What would make staying in Chicago possible?”
She shook her head.
“Please don't offer me money.”
“I wasn't going to.”
“Because I can't spend the rest of my life feeling that Daniel's friendship is a debt somebody has to pay.”
Luca looked hurt.
“It was never a debt.”
“Then I need you to understand something.”
She leaned forward.
“Daniel loved you. But I loved him too. I lost my husband, and somehow I've spent the last three months feeling like I had to apologize for still remembering him.”
The words seemed to empty the room.
Luca lowered his head.
“You don't.”
Claire nodded.
“I know that now.”
For a moment, I thought she might cry.
Instead, she reached for Ethan's water glass and moved it closer to him.
Such a small, ordinary movement.
But it reminded me how much she'd continued doing for her son while the adults around her argued about responsibility.
Luca glanced toward Ethan.
“Buddy, have you told your friends you're moving?”
He nodded.
“My coach knows.”
“What did you tell him?”
“That Mom got a job.”
“Anything else?”
Ethan stared at the table.
“He asked if I wanted to stay through baseball season.”
Claire looked surprised.
“Ethan, you didn't tell me that.”
“I didn't think it mattered.”
“Of course it matters.”
The boy's face reddened.
“Mom, please.”
Luca noticed the folded paper.
“What's that in your hand?”
“Nothing.”
“Ethan.”
He looked up.
“It's just something I wrote.”
“For school?”
“No.”
Claire held out her hand.
“May I see?”
Ethan hesitated.
Then he placed the paper on the table.
At the top, in careful, uneven handwriting, were three words.
Dear Uncle Luca.
Luca stopped breathing for a moment.
He picked it up.
The note wasn't long.
Ethan had written that he could help around the house.
He would keep his room clean.
He wouldn't bother Luca while he worked.
He could even learn to cook dinner.
Then came the final sentence.
Could I please stay here until Mom gets settled in Milwaukee?
Claire covered her mouth.
“Ethan?”
The boy looked frightened.
“I wasn't going to send it.”
Luca stared at the paper.
Ethan began crying.
“I know Mom needs the job. I just thought maybe I could stay for school.”
Claire whispered, “Honey, we never talked about living apart.”
“I know.”
He wiped his cheeks.
“I was going to ask first.”
Luca reached for him.
But Ethan moved back.
His voice cracked.
“I didn't want to leave Mom. I just didn't want to lose you too.”
May you like
And suddenly the question wasn't whether Ethan would move to Milwaukee.
It was how a thirteen-year-old boy had come to believe he had to choose which person he could afford to lose.
